iCan't Lose You
by seddie.is.epic.73
Summary: My Christmas present to you my lovely readers! Be warned, this fic is both incredibly beautiful, but incredibly sad  at times . Read all the way to the end though, you won't regret it!***SEDDIE  of course! ONESHOT


**A/N**

Hello people of FanFiction! MERRY CHRISTMAS to you all! Here is a fic that has been swirling in my head for a while, but never materialized.

Anyways, I've got my family sitting around me, heckling me to get off my computer and pay them some attention, so here is my Christmas 2011 story for you, and ENJOY!

P.S. I know this gets kind of heavy, but read to the very end… I promise you won't regret it!

~.epic.73

**Disclaimer:**__I own nothing :(

**SPOV**

Terror. That was the only word that came close to describing the feeling rising in my chest.

One word was all I seemed to be able to process: Freddie.

How did we manage to wind up in this situation?

_Flashback_

Today started off the same way all Christmas mornings usually do. I woke up at the crack of dawn, something I reserve for December 25th each year, and quickly got myself ready for the day.

I ran downstairs, after getting myself ready for the day, and headed off to Bushwell Plaza. Mom was off in Vegas for the entire Winter Break, and Melanie was still off at the ridiculous school of hers. Dad, well Dad's last Christmas was spent in the same house that was getting further and further from me with every step I take. Dad passed about three years ago, when he finally succumbed to cancer, after beating it four times prior. He was a Puckett after all, but I guess even a Puckett has to lose eventually.

I sleep their every Christmas Eve, unless it is completely impossible to do so, and being a Puckett, there is very little that is impossible.

As I reached Bushwell, I got ready to run through the lobby, because I was sure Lewbert was waiting with some foreign food to pelt me with. However, when I reached the lobby, all I got from Lewbert was a "Bleeehhhhhh!" Awww, even Lewbert was giving Christmas presents!

I knocked on the nub's door first, grinning like an idiot at him when he opened the door. "Hey cuteness." He greeted me before giving me a quick kiss as he laced our fingers together, and then led us over to Carly's. Spencer had decided to buy a Canadian Christmas tree this year, and let me tell you, it was HUGE! Freddie and I had finished our shopping weeks ago (Freddie swore off kissing unless I tried to get it done! Now, Momma doesn't believe for a second that he could ever follow-up on that threat, but I wasn't taking any chances!)

As Freddie and I headed through the door, we were stopped short by a frantic Carly. "We're out of Egg Nog!" she told us frantically, as she started to pace around. Carly pacing was never a good thing; it meant she was really worked up over something.

Carly had been planning this celebration for weeks now, and had put hours and hours of her time (while I was busy being "sweet" on Freddie, his lips in particular). To be honest, Carly did an amazing job. The apartment was decorated beautifully, she had a miniature Nativity scene set up where Spencer usually kept his Bottle Bot, and festive decorations scattered across the rest of the apartment. She had even finished it all of with some Mistletoe, hmmm, I'm going to have to remember to get 'caught' under there with Freddie later!

The least Freddnub and I could do was get the poor girl some egg nog, because I know it is really important to Carly that today goes perfectly.

"Hey Freddie, don't we- I mean you, have some egg nog at home?" I asked him.

"Not anymore Sam…" He said cheekily, while giving me a pointed look.

I punched him lightly on his shoulder, and then perched on my tiptoes to give him a quick kiss before turning back to Carly. "Don't worry about it Carls, Freddie and I'll just run up to that convenience store around the corner, that foreign dude that owns the place loves that PC Egg Nog, and has two fridges full of the stuff. I guess his family isn't coming back until the 31st, so he isn't celebrating Christmas until then.

I smiled as I saw relief flood over Carly's face, as she wrapped us both up in a bear hug. "Thanks you guys! I'll see you guys soon then, and NO make out sessions on the way back Sam!"

I chuckled as Freddie blushed. "No promises Shay, no promises." I saw her smirking suggestively at me as the door closed behind us. As we left Bushwell, and headed to the convenience store, Freddie grabbed my hand again. I smiled to myself as we walked along, in a comfortable silence.

As we walked by all the stores (all of them were closed of course), I gazed into them, unable to tear my eyes away from them. They just looked so majestically, and so innocent. That is until tomorrow, when all the Boxing Day shoppers will riot through them, picking them clean.

I looked toward Freddie, who was looking away from me, towards the road. Suddenly, he turned to me, holding me gaze. There was something different in his eyes, and I felt those crazed butterflies get loose again in my stomach when I realized it was determination. The last time I'd seen this particular look was in Troubled Waters, when he had kissed me in front of the World Wide Web!

"Sam," he said, and I swear my name had never sounded so beautiful in the 18 years I've had it. "I- I just wanted to tell you that I love you."

I felt myself freeze, and I looked at him questioningly. He smiled at me, before leaning down to kiss me passionately. I sighed happily into the kiss, the importance of his words finally hitting home. That was the first time either of us had said the big 'L' word, sure we would text luv, but that was it. Freddie pulled away from me, grinning like an idiot. I can't complain though, I'm sure I wore the same expression.

"I love you too." I whispered into his chest. He'd pulled me in for a hug after he broke our (wonderful) kiss.

He smiled softly, before grabbing my hand again, heading for that convenience store that seems to be hours away. I took a quick glance over my shoulder, and felt my heart stop as I did.

The car was already on top of us, there was no time to move, no time to react, only time to be hit. I closed my eyes, as I squeezed Freddie's hand. The only problem was that Freddie's hand was no longer there. I felt myself flying to my right, and felt my shoulder scream out as it slammed into the brick wall behind me. None of that mattered though, because I saw my entire world crumble around me, in slow motion.

I saw the car, dark blue, Honda Civic. I saw the driver. White Male, black hair, beer bottle in hand. Red shirt.

I saw Freddie too. I saw the car hit his right leg, I saw Freddie hit the hood of the car, I saw him bounce off of the windshield, and hit the ground. I found myself silently thanking God that he hadn't fallen _under _the car.

I saw the car drive a mere kilometer, and then I saw it crash into a cement pillar, one of eight supporting the new research facility Tech-foot had built in Seattle. I saw the beer bottle go flying, and I saw the air bags deploy. I saw the driver's body slump, and I saw the life slowly drain out of him.

Then, as if to make up for lost time, everything accelerated. I felt my hands grab my PearPhone, I felt myself calling 9-1-1. I heard the dispatcher's voice, and another one, which sounded a lot like mine.

I felt said PearPhone slip from my now limp hands, as the conversation ended with a _thud_.

Suddenly I was at Freddie's side, cradling his head in my lap. I knew I was crying, but I couldn't find it in me to care. Freddie's eyes were closed, his lips slightly parted. His head was perfectly in tact, but the rest of him was broken. His arm looked broken, his right hand bleeding all over my pant leg.

Then I found myself surrounded by paramedics, and then Freddie was gone. He was on a stretcher, being lifted into an ambulance. I was lifted in behind him, sitting by his head while the medics worked on him. I remember the medics handing me his phone, and I remember calling Carly. Then, I was sitting by his bedside, tears still flowing, wondering if he will ever wake up.

_End of Flashback_

**CPOV**

Panic. That was the only emotion running through me, slowly killing me from the inside.

Spencer had run over to Socko's to drop off his Christmas present before Sam and Freddie got back from the store.

Then my phone rang, and everything ground to a halt. Freddie was hurt. Badly.

I grabbed my keys, and jumped into my car as I sped to the hospital. I did the only thing I could think of. I prayed.

"Please, not him, not _now_." I whispered, "Not Freddie Lord, please!" I felt sob after sob rip through me, but I kept driving. Sam needed Freddie, she needed his love, but most importantly she needed her soul mate.

I swerved as I almost collided with oncoming traffic, and centered my car in my lane. Hang on Freddie I'm coming!

**SPOV**

_Breath in. Breath out._

I watched Freddie's chest rise and fall, observing the rhythmic pattern his lungs had going. That pattern was the only thing that kept me grounded at this point.

I pulled a chair over to his bed, sitting down so I was at the head of his bed. There he was, looking as handsome as ever! He had the bed sheet pulled up over him, so the only part of him that was left visible was his face. The only thing that made this different from the other times I've snuck into his room when I got bored was that heart monitor thing that kept up a consistent beeping. Normally it would have drove me crazy, but I've watched enough TV to know that if that beeping stops Freddie will die, and I'm sure my heart will go with him.

I leaned forward, and just stared at him. I don't know what I'm going to do without him if- no. No! I refuse to think that way, even for a second. I hear on TV that if you talked to a person in a coma, they could hear you. I know Freddie isn't in a coma, but I figure if someone in a _coma_ can hear you, then Freddie ought to be able to hear me.

"Freddie-" Hmm, maybe those sappy girls I used to laugh at were on to something. What do you say to the person you love more than yourself, more than _life_ itself? Should I scold him for pushing me out of the way, for leaving me here alone? Or should I thank him for being so brave, for loving me, for saving me? Should I joke about his history with car, first a taco truck and now this? *Sigh*

I think I'm going to have to take a different approach. "Dad." I whispered. "I know you can hear me! You promised me you'd always be watching over me, and I'm taking you up on it!" I was shaking now, somewhere deep inside me, I knew my father was listening, and he was looking down on me, and was here with me.

"You tell God He can't have him! Tell Him that I'm not ready for this! I-I can't _lose_ him! I-I just can't." My voice broke at the end of my sentence, as I collapsed on Freddie's soft, unmoving chest.

Wait a minute. _Un_moving?

"FREDDIE!" I screamed, as doctors rushed into the room, the ominous flat line displayed on Freddie's heart monitor confirmed what I had feared.

He was gone. I felt Carly's arms around me, as she dragged me from the room. I tried to fight her, but I couldn't, the fight seemed to have been drained out of me.

"I'm so sorry Sam." Carly whispered in my ear, right before I collapsed in her arms, sobbing uncontrollably. "WHY?" I screamed, "How could you let this happen!" I know it isn't usually a good idea to heckle God, but I wasn't exactly thinking straight.

The doctor walked over to us then, and invited us to say our goodbyes to Freddie. Carly went first, and quickly returned, tears cascading down her face. I guess that leaves me.

I headed into Freddie's room, wrapping his now still body in my arms for what would be the last time.

"Goodbye Freddie, I'll always love you." I placed one last, lingering kiss on his forehead, before turning to the door. "_Please_," I begged, "Don't take him."

_Beep._

I whipped my head around, eyes wide.

_Beep. – Beep. – Beep. – Beep._

"Freddie? FREDDIE! DOCTOR!" I screamed, seriously my throat was probably raw from all this screaming, but we were in a hospital after all.

The doctor came running in, flipping switches, sticking Freddie with needles, and calling for nurses. As I was escorted from the room, I had but one thing to say, "Thank You". It was only a whisper, but I knew He would hear me.

**A/N**

Well? Did you like it? Sorry for any/all spelling mistakes, but I really wanted to get this fic written/published for you today! Merry Christmas everyone!

If you want to leave me a Christmas present… well the blue button happens to be on my wish list ;)


End file.
